COMMON CAUSES OF ANXIETY: PROBLEMS OF THE OVERSEXED AND THE UNDERSEXED

It is unlikely that any two individuals will have exactly the same sexual appetite. In this respect the early steps of marriage are a period of adjustment for almost every couple. It is common for the man’s desire to be rather greater than that of his wife. He adjusts to a little less and she to rather more. However, sometimes there is a gross difference in sexual appetite which may remain throughout marriage and serve to keep both partners in a state of tension. In the less common situation in which the wife has the greater sexual appetite, her repeated demands may be particularly destructive to her husband because they psychologically threaten his masculinity.

If the adjustment of the partners one to the other is incomplete, the actual sexual experience itself may become a potent cause of tension. Thus if the sexual response of the husband is too rapid, his wife is left unsatisfied. If this pattern is constantly repeated the wife is likely to show signs of nervous tension and may develop any of the symptoms produced by anxiety.

Many introvert men are not as sexually active as their extrovert brothers. An attractive woman with four children was married to an introvert husband who was some years older than she was, and who no longer satisfied her feeling of sexual need. She was tense and irritable, and disturbed by sexual feelings. She had an affair with another man. This, through guilt and fear lest her husband should find out, only increased her anxiety, and she soon abandoned her lover.

She gradually learned to cope with her anxiety and the disturbing sexual feeling by practising the relaxing mental

A young couple who had been married five or six years consulted their local doctor because they were not getting on together. He referred them to me. The wife was an attractive girl, who covered up her tension very well. However, she openly admitted her irritability with her husband and the children. The husband was a big extrovert athlete, very much in love with his wife, and very willing to help in any way he could.

The wife eventually disclosed that she had come to dread going to bed. Her husband desired sex relations almost every night. Whatever her state of mind, she always created the illusion for her husband’s sake that her sexual desire was as strong as his. This she was able to do because of her control over her feelings. The situation had eventually become impossible and she had broken down with anxiety. All the time the husband was completely unaware of his wife’s

sacrifice, and he was simply astounded when it was explained to him. He promptly reacted by curtailing his sexual appetite and heaping gifts on his wife.

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